Let’s imagine that there is something about your life you aren’t entirely satisfied with, and that you’ve been at a loss as to how to change it.

You read all the right books, meditate regularly, have a strong work ethic, know you are the creator of your life and not a victim of circumstances, and yet that thing doesn’t change. Years pass and still you struggle with money, time, relationships, physical health, or more.

This is because of a fundamental flaw in the personal-growth gambit that is frequently overlooked: the game is rigged.

What happens is when you desire to change something, you lose alignment with the force within that has the ability to effect change. Let’s call this part of you the weighted unconscious.

The weighted unconscious operates with the force of gravity. It creates the baseline of how you experience life, and most thoughts – especially those focused on self-improvement – come from it. It loves to think about itself, and thinking about what’s wrong with it is the most captivating and reinforcing thought process of all.

In order to effect real change in any area of your life, you must stop playing the game.

Your power is wired in on a deep level toward creating your life in a certain way, but it’s your power. Meaning, your work lies not in imposing new order on top of what’s already in place (which is generally both as challenging and effective as building a house on top of the ocean), but on gaining awareness of how you create your life.

When we observe our lives without judgment we become students of our power. We learn both how it operates and how to wield it.

First, let go of the idea that there is anything wrong with you or your life. Whatever shows up, whatever you think or feel, assume it’s okay. It helps to remember life is a mystery, you don’t know what it is, and it’s not your place to say something’s bad just because you don’t like it.

Next, observe how you create your life as a student receiving a lesson. You are already a master at manifestation, but it happens on unconscious levels. Practice observing the things you say, think, and believe without trying to change them.

For example, even as I write this my mind is thinking about how there really is something wrong with me because I’m lazy. There are so many amazing people with far less than I have who’ve done far greater things, and I waste time feeling sorry for myself when I could be serving the world.

So I observe that my mind is devoting energy toward the feeling that I don’t have any, and to beliefs that there is something wrong with me for this reason. I see my energy at work as one who stands by a river watching it go over a waterfall.

Rather than trying to correct my lazy tendencies, I observe how I create them. This can only be done without judgment, since the moment I judge I lose connection with the flow of the creative process. What I see becomes stagnant, a thing that is, rather than an event in motion, being actively created in that moment.

Now I have freedom. I see how my energy is going toward escaping life rather than engaging it, and I can open consciously to this tendency when addressing activities.

Knowing I’ll do things – even things I enjoy – to get them over with so I can go to sleep, I embrace my desire to stop and make it a conscious part of the process as I engage. Now it’s no longer lurking under the surface, pulling me down as I struggle to go forward.

Observing this tendency without judgment allows it to be a full and conscious part of whatever I’m doing, and reclaims my power. Ultimately what happens is I stop being afraid of myself or my ways of self-sabotage. I invite them consciously, and magically the energy that went into creating this pattern becomes free and at my disposal.

It’s difficult to fully express how this works. The best way to understand is to experience it for yourself. Acknowledge consciously the ways you’ve hindered yourself with the statement “it’s okay”, and check in with how you feel and how your perspective changes.

If you have trouble doing it, or new issues surface as you apply it, I am available for individual sessions to help navigate the nuances of self-acceptance.