portal

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our
deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.”
Marianne Williamson

“It’s a dangerous business, going out your front door.”
J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit

When starting my business I decided the best way to market my work was to speak to groups and offer sample readings. This quickly led to regular monthly workshops, and eventually the creation of a meetup. The meetup now has me organizing and/or leading 3 – 5 events a month.

The result is every month for the past two years I have given public presentations. This is okay, except I recently noticed I’m terrified of public speaking.

Well, it’s not so much public speaking as rejection I fear. When one stands up in front of a group of people, it gives them a strong opportunity to decide whether or not they like you. The larger the group, the greater the possibility someone in it will reject you.

The more successful we become, the more people see us, and the greater the danger of being unwelcome. Someone wiser than me might point out here that other people’s opinions don’t matter, knowing your own value is enough, and you give away your power when you try to please others.

All of that may well be true, but it’s a lesson I’m still learning and I don’t feel prepared to speak on it now. Rather I will share what has helped me continue to teach classes, lead groups, and send mass e-mails to hundreds of people despite all my fear:  a quote.

Specifically, the one mentioned above spoken by the character Bilbo Baggins. Going out your front door is a dangerous thing. And that’s okay.

Some weeks ago I came home shaking from a talk I’d given, my faith in myself and my abilities shattered by what I believed to be a poor performance on my part. That quote came unbidden to my mind, and I found myself laughing with gratitude and relief.

I realized even if I truly had done a terrible job I wouldn’t change a thing. All I had done – all any of us ever do when we endeavor to create in the world – is go out the front door.

I’d say anything that happens after that is by definition okay, because the alternative would be unthinkable. The alternative would be the greatest artists in the world never picking up a paintbrush, scientific discoveries never being made, and the loss of invention itself. I refuse to live in such a world, which is why you’ll notice a list of events next to this article.

I would suggest that true success is in doing a thing, not in how it’s received. I would suggest that it is better to take advantage of opportunities than to wonder what might have been. And I would suggest that tea and a good book are always available if you need time to recover from a particularly worrisome adventure.