If you want to change your life – really change it, not just wish for or try to make it different but experience a lasting shift – then I have a secret to share with you.
The thing that changes your life is not the big revelation. If anything, those “aha moments” can get in the way, because we tend to hold onto them like they’re an answer. Anything we hold onto or put a lot of effort into thinking about slows our energy and slows our progress.
The big revelation feels that way because it’s new, not because it’s any better or more true than previous thoughts. Being new means it helps energy move for a moment, but then we tense up with excitement and the new thought loses it’s power, usually within a few days.
Instead, little, easy, boring things are the infallible key to transformation. We don’t expect them to do much and so don’t put pressure on them. This allows great and lasting movement to occur because it feels like nothing.
Allow me to demonstrate. In this moment if you sit up straight and roll your shoulders back several things will happen:
- It becomes easier to access higher brain function and problem solve
- Testosterone levels (which boost feelings of confidence and ease) rise
- Cortisone levels (which create and hold onto stress) decrease
- You feel better
In her TED Talk, “Your body language shapes who you are“, Social Scientist Amy Cuddy explores how holding good posture for just two minutes a day can dramatically affect both how you experience yourself and how others perceive you. You’re more likely to get hired for a job, take risks, date, and otherwise enjoy life.
It requires no thought and almost no effort, similar to flossing your teeth, wearing sunscreen, and other things the absence of which are listed as the greatest regrets of people who are dying.
Transformation is the little moment of choice that happens between thoughts, the thing so seemingly nominal it feels boring. It’s having tea one morning instead of coffee, making your bed, taking a breath.
Our ego structure is designed to maintain status quo, meaning the excitement around great revelations is actually part of a pattern to keep things from changing. The more boring, easy, and “like nothing” something feels, the greater the impact it can have on your life because it slips through all the defenses.
My recommendation for those who are serious about changing their lives is don’t think about it. If your mind starts to go in a loop, sit up straight, take a breath, and look for one small thing you can do in that moment to make a difference. And if it’s just sitting up straight and breathing, that is enough.
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