In January 2009 I had what I’ve frequently described as a “psychic awakening”, but those are just words for an experience.  Another way to put it is I physically attuned to a new level of sensing energy in the world, and an awareness that many people don’t consciously experience (or acknowledge the presence of).

I was excited to share with people my experiences of reading energy and as best I could approximate it the physical changes in my body (it’s “lighter”, I don’t yet have a better word for it).  I now belonged to a new and exciting demographic:  psychics.  And I believed in sharing I could speak on behalf of my people, possibly bridging a gap between how psychics are perceived and how we actually are.

Yet…

I worked for less than a week at a psychic hotline (and blogged about it), burned by the constant demand for answers to questions my gifts didn’t feel in alignment with.  “Will people be nicer to me?”  “What will happen if I take this job?”  “Am I pregnant?”  That the answer was across the board “look within yourself, take these steps and you will begin to experience the outward circumstances you’re hoping for” was not welcome.  No matter how detailed and specific to an individual’s life my readings were, they did not create happy customers because I did not tell them they would have happy lives without putting in some work.

So I left, figuring psychic hotlines appealed to a certain demographic and probably served their population well, but I didn’t belong there.  I turned my attention to working with local metaphysical stores that were filled with books on enlightenment, thinking here I would find the people on a path of spiritual transformation my gifts are designed for.

Instead few customers wanted to schedule with me and there were complaints about me.  Now, I am someone who has walked into a party full of strangers and left everyone buzzing about what an amazing and accurate psychic I am.  I have had friends in the community describe me as the “only true psychic” they had met, saying most were right 50 – 75% of the time but with me it was 100%.  I know the readings I give are accurate, authentic, and have verifiable benefits, so I have pride and confidence in my work.  But the hard truth is if I am a psychic, I’m not one in the larger market’s demand.

After being fired I felt deeply shaken.  Not out of fears about being “good enough”, but because I’d lost faith in my wonderful safe word for everything I experience on a daily basis.  If channeling guides in other dimensions who speak to the deepest truth in a situation isn’t what most people think of or even want in a “psychic”, then is it the right word for me?

I like that my blog is called “Notes from a Rational Psychic”.  I like demonstrating how there’s a whole metaphysical reality at work we can’t possibly comprehend, and it shows itself in these mind-blowing ways.  I like my mission to prove psychic ability to the world, but I’m starting to wonder if maybe the world’s premise is more right than I thought.

I don’t begin to judge or guess at the veracity of most of the psychics who work as readers at stores or on hotlines.  I’ll assume and trust that they are doing work that feels in alignment with their gifts, and I’m not curious enough to test if this is true.  But I don’t know that I’m so keen on arguing with people who assume it’s all a scam anymore.

Because most of the people I met on the hotline, and at the stores, were looking to give their power over to me, and let me decree how their life would be for them.  Somehow these individuals were trained that psychics would do their work for them, and no matter what a person’s gifts anyone who claims such a power is scamming you.

My life is about personal transformation.  My path is extremely spiritual, and everything leads me to questions about myself and facing my fears on a daily basis.  I work with and teach others the things I’ve found most helpful, and use my gifts as a tool in the process of helping others, among many tools.

Wanting to better communicate the depth in my work, I started calling myself a “Spiritual Coach and Psychic”, in place of “Psychic Intuitive”.  After more recent experiences I’m wondering if I should keep the word “psychic” at all.  It’s a fun word, a fun identity, but the truth is there is a great deal of mystery around what I do and how it is physically possible, and I don’t know if “psychic” communicates the reality.

This post isn’t a declaration that I’m dropping the word.  My own business has only ever attracted people who wanted real help, and not just to feel better in the moment.  Perhaps I can still claim the word psychic on my terms, and educate people as needed about what I mean by that.  I don’t know.  There are words available for what I do, “channeling”, “readings”, “clairvoyant”, “clairaudient”…more.  I like them.  I like having words, it feels like this big mysterious thing in my life has a place in the world.

However, words can have different meanings to different people, so I want the ones that communicate my work the most clearly.  I’m not changing my blog’s title any time soon, but I might be changing my business cards.  If you are ready to take the necessary steps to live the life you are longing for, I am here for you.  To the best of my ability, this is the message I am seeking to communicate, and I’ll use whatever words serve that purpose.