“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”
– Oscar Wilde
On a recent rainy Sunday afternoon, my friend called and suggested we take an impromptu trip to the ocean. It was one of those things we talked about doing but never quite got around to, and I surprised myself by how readily I said yes.
Once there the sky was a perfect gray, paralleling the water and muting colors so as to create a sense of being in empty space. It was as though the world itself were composed of mist and I felt myself expand in the environment, remembering what it was to be vast.
“I feel as though I hold myself back from everyone in my work,” I told my friend, not knowing the words were there until I spoke them. “It’s like I don’t believe anyone can handle what I really do, so I never really do it.
“Please don’t ever, ever, ever hold yourself back with me,” she immediately begged with a heartening insistence. My mind on its own began to imagine what not holding back would look like, and suddenly the truth of my work revealed itself to me.
I name the core issue that limits people in their lives, and I explore it with them. I help the many layers of negative beliefs around it release on mental, emotional, physical, and energetic levels. This allows the authentic person previously hidden by fear to emerge. I help people become the person they were born to be, instead of the person they were taught to be.
Claiming my work in this new way profoundly shifted my experience of myself and my life. Before I knew in some vague way I was helping but was afraid to own the precise nature of my work. Clients would report profound and lasting shifts after just one or two sessions and I would defer, wondering what other miraculous event had happened to coincide with us working together.
I held back in my marketing and let my business stay small because I was always holding my breath, waiting for someone to hate me.
That ended with the permission to be seen, not by others but by myself. Conscious awareness of who you are breeds confidence, and the potential judgment of others loses importance.
In this moment you can invite awareness of yourself forward and breathe into the spaces where you hold back. Keep opening to who you are, and your power will show up on its own. When you let yourself be truly present as you are, all things absolutely become possible.
And if you get lost trying, I can help.
Hi Sarah, thank you for this, it was a challenging read and sort of spoke into a recognition I have had recently. I have been quite full on in my work, (massage therapist) compassionate, loving, open, accommodating, anticipating and attempting to meet my client’s every need. I have been unable to work for the past 18 months, burnt out, lost my joy, began to hate what I had always loved. What occured to me recently was I had been trying to be something I just wasn’t capable of this super therapist accepting, an unshakeable presence. But in truth I wasn’t, even though in my heart this is what I truly want to be, I also recognise it is what I really want in my life too. If you can be larger than life and remain unshakeable, wow, I would love to have a healer like that in my life. I wish I could have an in person session with you but I am in the UK. When I first read your blog (via Larissa) I was smitten, you see I want to grow my own body work practice to facilitate my client’s own inner journey, to help them understand themselves more, make more space within themselves. I don’t want to be a fixer any more. I believe that is why I became ill, my soul felt compromised, deep down I knew I was just going through the motions. So just wanted to connect, maybe I will try an email consulation with you. Keep writing Sarah, I love to read it.
Thank you Carole. The important key is to let go of your investment in how the other person receives your work, and to let go of the need to “fix” everyone. This is difficult for healers and something I’ve struggled with as well, but when you can focus on the quality of your work as its own art, people will get the maximum benefit out of it and you won’t burn out.
I do also offer sessions by phone if you ever want to schedule that way, I would call you and we’d avoid any long distance charges. Just so you can have it in mind, have a lovely day.
Hello, Sarah!
I’ve not seen you in quite a while, but wanted to let you know that I look forward to reading your posts (and you are a good writer, too, so they’re a desired read for me).
The topic of being seen has long been a challenge for me. I realize that much of my difficulty (I nearly wrote inability) to create the life I desire, the one I am called to, is closely linked to it. I have a fear of being physically harmed if I stand out, have success, create something noticeable, big, or luscious. Related, too, is the issue of not feeling worthy of the big and the rich.
One of the tools I’ve begun to use is stepping forward just a little, claiming a bit more, showing a smidge more. This way I get to push the edge but not freak myself out. I also think I’m able to be kinder to myself, so this gentler approach feels much more appropriate than my previous attempts to muscle my way to change.
Finally, I’ve been thinking about the issue of resurrection–I’ve done it in many ways and times in my life, and see this uncovering of the true me and bringing it forward as a re-membering, a making whole.