Albert Schweitzer
Neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor (see the previous post for more about her) discovered that an emotion can only exist by itself for 90 seconds, after that it requires thoughts to sustain it.
Also interesting, it’s not possible to feel something unpleasant – grief, anger, etc. – without thoughts to trigger it.
So here’s an exercise I was introduced to a few weeks ago, by my beloved teacher Joey Klein. Think of a relationship or situation in your life you aren’t entirely satisfied with and wish to improve. Feel the feelings that come up when you think of it, and now ask to feel the emotion by itself, with no story around it.
Give yourself time, and notice your experience.
Most people will find themselves shifted into a space of peace rather easily. Others may feel the original emotion lingering on, in which case I invite you to notice any thoughts there may be and again relax with the feeling. Or, if you like, you can ask to bring the emotion up without any story (thoughts to trigger it) and see what happens. Keep in mind, you aren’t allowed to think “I am angry”, since that’s still a thought.
Understanding how delicate emotions are, and how dependent they are on our mental participation, why then do emotions seem to trap us? Why do we continuously run in circles, trying to get away from bad feelings and chasing after the elusive carrots of peace and happiness?
To fully answer this question would take more time and space than my newsletter allows, but to say it briefly: habit. Thoughts are more addictive than heroine, and they come laden with emotions and physical responses to help lay in the belief that they are true. When an event carries an intense emotional charge we are trained to jump in with thoughts to create space and avoid the scary feelings (vulnerability, horror, etc). These thoughts are then themselves weighted by the very thing they are protecting against, creating a magnetic pull back to the emotions that need to be processed.
An experiment: the next time your mind goes into an echo chamber, thinking the same things over and over, stop and ask to feel the feelings underneath the story. Ask to feel what’s really happening. Something deep was triggered, and the mind is trained to protect against it with its spinning thoughts. That’s okay. You can give your mind a break, and just ask to feel what’s there. You don’t have to do anything else.
Perhaps peace seems elusive because it’s so simple. We have this belief things have to be hard to be achieved, and we tend to skip over what’s here, now, and directly available. The truth is it doesn’t even take a breath to experience peace. Just feel what’s here, and peace will show up on its own.
I will be teaching a class at the end of the month, “Becoming an Emotional Genius”, that will expand on the concepts in this article to lay a groundwork for developing mastery of your emotions. See the announcements to learn more.
H Sarah, thanks for this, its sounds very much like Gendlins process of Focusing. Great stuff.
Thank you Carole, I appreciate your response. I’m not familiar with Gendlins work, but my awareness is the more true something is, the more available it becomes through multiple avenues.